As a kid I used to dream about being someone like linford christie. I remember the week it was announced that London where holding the 2012 games, going in to school saying Ill be there one day on the track running like my life depended on it! I was always the kid that came last in every sports day and was by no means going to break a world record in the 100 meters. But you know what that didn't matter to me, because I finished! One of the things I have not stopped talking about since I began trying to get a space is the London Marathon. Looking back I can still remember sitting watching hours of the race day and seeing hundreds of people run through the streets of London. Then in the week that followed hearing the stories of those very people and those who where still going days later! I guess from around that time, I made it my goal to one day be one of those people to cross the line running or slowly dragging myself with what energy I had left. I am proud to that on April 26th I will be running for Children with Cancer UK. Although I was lucky to have had a non cancerous brain tumor. There are hundreds of cancers and tumors that effect people each and every day! When looking for a space I wanted to run to support the young people that are effected by cancer each year, because if anyone inspires me its the young people who are fighting the disease every moment of the day! I thought I had gone mad when me and my good friend decided we would run the marathon and still do months later writing this, I know im not going to finish in anytime under 5 hours ( unless I get superpowers between now and then ) But that is not what I want, to get from running the Marathon. I think to even cross the finish is an achievement for anyone I mean 26 miles is a long way! 3 years ago my life was in a very different situation, Non of what has happened has not taken me back, surprised me or knocked me flat on my face on more than one occasion. But sometimes being knocked flat on your face makes you more determined to reach for the sky. After about 30 minutes of running my heart feels like it is punching itself to get out of running. Sometimes the only thing you are thinking about is wow I want to give up. But like anything the reason you started should be the reason why you don't give up! Living with a disability I do constantly think and question my own ability. And looking at the Race map for the marathon my first thoughts where.... How does anyone to run that , especially me? someone who unlike a few years ago would fall over trying to ride a bike for more than 3 minutes. Then I just told myself to shut up, because this is your time to say disability or not you are doing OK and it will all be OK. At uni we have been asked to do an assignment around an aspect of disability, the area im looking at is identity because until I sat down to think, which doesn't happen often. It crossed my mind that when people ask me to say who I am one of the first things I say is im disabled, partly by force of habit. But I also think its to eliminate the elephant in the room and people scared to ask why I have a fair few scars and! part of me wants to say ' yeah I have a brain tumour' but I think as soon as you say that you put it in someones mind oh well he can';t do that and granted at school I was not sporty or the coolest. But as I have only learnt in the last few years is that all we can be is what we have in that moment in time nothing less or more. So my advice to anyone this year is do something you know you can do but maybe others don't and prove them wrong... because as someone said to me its only a regret if you miss the opportunity to do something for you for the view of others. I apologies for my really bad spelling as normal!! but I just want to leave you with this quote I found.... "Unlike a drop of water which loses its identity when it joins the ocean, man does not lose his being in the society in which he lives. Man's life is independent. He is born not for the development of the society alone, but for the development of his self." - B. R. Ambedkar- PEACE & LOVE Chandy
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On Wednesday I got my MRI results back and was given possibly the best new, I could have asked... they said that although , they can still see a small area on the scan where they operated this could well be scar tissue. Out of all three of my surgeries this has been the most successful... removing the majority of the tumour!! and to top that I got 62% for an essay. Which is the highest grade I have got on an essay ever!! As I write this I am waiting for two further essays which I know I could well fail as based on my grades last year I could well fail! But being knocked down with a fail on an essay just means that this semester I have to work a little more on getting a pass. Anyway back to what I wanted to talk about! I saw a someone speak about life and its mean, purpose and value. So I wanted to write an open letter to express something which I won't give a tittle , as I want to ask you to create your own... and also I couldn't think of one! To whom it may concern...... You can look at life in a variety of ways, each of its own value, meaning and milestone. We spend each day moving, coasting through the good the bad and same old.... why? to search for acceptance. We are the controllers of this 'acceptance' by looking more towards what the things we are not! we move the line of what s okay further and further out of our reach.... and my question is, how is this helpful?.... by moving the goalpost away from the point at which we stand... its making getting there harder than it actually was to begin with. BELIEVE, that by being unique and by having faith in what you can achieve. Be that a small step forward to another's five.... I can cast back to when I thought the hardship and load would get easier just by waiting.... but one thing I can say for sure is that it wont unless you, have belief and faith in the you! that was created from the day you where born, to now! I know pain will follow and its not going to be easy to overcome the obstacles. And you may well find yourself asking was the decision to not give up, the right one and it may well have been. However by giving up you are not testing yourself , and okay it sounds like the easier option. But every day you fall to your feat, you can get back up stronger than you had been moments before because someone if you know it or not has faith, that you can achieve. My mum has always said its not you cant, rather you can and I know you find it hard but try and if you really cant then ask for help but first try. I am not going to sugar coat it, because trying is never easy, its alot of hard work but sometime why we fight can bring us to find 'acceptance'. To challenge the obstacles, creates greatness. When looking in the mirror, tell yourself what you see! Even without being there I can tell you what that is, ' greatness to embrace what has to come'. When we think of tomorrow do we see another day, time for pain or opportunity. Sometimes you don't have to understand what tomorrow is nor what it brings because by aiming to understand what is to come, we forget to focus on the today. Benjamin Franklin once said 'If you do tomorrow what you did today, you will get tomorrow what you got today'. It took me a while to grasp this but by conforming to fit in and be accepted we miss the meaning of why we are here. The dreams, ambitions and goals which if we repeat what today was we will get the same outcome tomorrow. So believe that the thing that makes you stand out as this, is the thing that will make tomorrow different. |
AuthorBrain tumour survivor. Ambassador, campaigner and co-founder of #IFightFor Archives
January 2019
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